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You planted thorns in my chest with hands I once trusted, and now every breath feels like an apology I shouldn’t owe.
-Larson Langston
January 15, 2025
Five days after you the first time you refused to accept my friend request, and the night before my birthday, Atticus died. It was pretty awful. We were going to bed and I went back into the kitchen to get water. I didn't see him so I looked around and found him in our craft room. He was standing in a corner swaying back and forth. I called for him and he walked toward me but wabbled a lot until he just fell over.
I ran to tell Bryan and he came out and we sat on the kitchen floor with him. He kept trying to get up, but he couldn't. He started meowing and hissing and biting at the air. I just kept telling him how much I loved him and what a good baby he was. Then he started spasming silently, his mouth wide open. And then blood filled the back of his throat and dripped out of his mouth. I just started screaming, "Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God" over and over and over and over again. My poor baby had to die to me screaming in his ears.... My poor little boy....
I really wanted to talk to you. I really needed my friend. But I no longer had any. The most unfair thing is that I have hardly mourned his loss as I have been so sad over losing my "friend".
I had my little guy for 18 years. Brought him home one night after working at Arrow as kennel. He had been found in a construction site covered in paint. He was in the back, ready to go to the pound if no one took him home. I grabbed him and went over to Bryan who was next door at the office. I showed him the little guy and he agreed to let me bring him home.
At the time I was obsessed with a series of books called Animorphs. In the story, a group of kids walk through a construction site and run into an alien that crashed in front of them. The alien gives them the power to turn into animals to fight an alien race secretly trying to take over the world. However, if they stayed in animal form over two hours they become a Nothlit, or a person trapped and unable to return to their natural form. And since my little one was found in a construction site, I referred to him as a Nothlit. Which made it kinda awkward to change when he was around. lol. I think I wanted to name him after a character in the books, but Bryan really liked the name Atticus. So that was what we named him.
Now he's gone.
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