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You planted thorns in my chest with hands I once trusted, and now every breath feels like an apology I shouldn’t owe -Larson Langston

January 17, 2025

I thought I’d finally have a day without crying. I was wrong. 77 days. At least I didn’t vomit.
 
I hope I didn’t offend you with the autism thing. I’ve always thought it. You have the typical signs. I just wanted to say it because I was worried you would reject my request and then block them which, surprise surprise, you did, and I wasn’t sure I would get another chance to say it, because I think it’s important. You should have been tested when you were younger. It’s a huge disservice to you as it could have helped. I actually have an appointment to be tested as my psych thinks I might be autistic too.

I’ve now been diagnosed with OCD. Psych is 100% certain. She’s very excited about it and feels really bad that she and others didn’t see it. She said she’s surprised I haven’t given up yet. Lol I’m thinking. What do you call four suicide attempts in three days??? lol I’ll write more about it on my site. It’s too much to say on here.

just got home. Had to force myself to eat before I left. Not sure if I’m vomiting from being so upset all the time or because I’m not eating. I get really sick when I don’t eat. Throwing up a lot over the past couple months, especially the past couple weeks. I’m now down 9lbs in two weeks. I guess I should be happy about that?

I’m trying really hard not to get upset again. I have to go out in 45 minutes so I don’t have the luxury of loosing my mind right now.

I wish people in this world were kinder and more understanding. If someone had asked me if I knew anyone like that I would have said you and Bryan. I’m so sad I was wrong. I thought maybe you would get it. I actually *had* thought that. But I should have known I was wrong. I mean, look at you. When you’re stressed you get to regress. You get to be innocent and happy and sweet . It’s something far more acceptable than someone who screams and cries because she can’t get out of her own body. Someone who has no escape from her own nightmare. Someone who has absolutely no relief from the torture. So I guess you wouldn’t understand. *You* have an escape. 
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