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You planted thorns in my chest with hands I once trusted, and now every breath feels like an apology I shouldn’t owe.
-Larson Langston
January 31, 2025
I keep thinking and thinking about what I might have done to make you hate me. The only thing I can think of is when I made a comment about how young you are to be friends with me. I hope that’s not why. It was about how stupid I felt being upset that I had no friends. It wasn’t against you and it had nothing to do with you being Little. I hope you didn’t think I was talking about that. I enjoy talking to both. I’d hate myself so much more if that’s the reason you hate me.
Am I really that bad of a person for asking if you’re okay? For being concerned? Are you not used to that? People caring?
Vomited again. Guess pickles are off my list of foods I can eat. lol So far the only foods I can keep down are tortilla chips, cottage cheese, and eggs. lol
I was just thinking (after vomiting) how ironic (I know, so much irony) is that last time you refused to talk to me I ended with meds that made me afraid of being murdered and afraid of cars and then Winston and Cicero died. This time I’m on meds that make me vomit every other day and Atticus died. The therapist I saw for EMDR said she thought that I had a fear of abandonment because I felt something bad would happen. I guess she was wrong, bad things DO happen when someone goes away.
I am so sad that you’re never going to talk to me again.
I’m sorry I left like I did…
I wish people cared about me as much as I care about them.
I’ve been doing my best not to go out of the house. Seeing people just reminds me how everyone hates me and how I have absolutely no one who talks to me. I don’t know if I’ll keep writing on here. I’ll probably just start doing it entirely on my site. I don’t need to keep writing on here and then putting it on my site when I can just do it there.
PS. Bryan said to write to you and my psych wanted me to journal and I have hard time doing that so I’m pretending to write to you. I don’t think you’ll ever see this so I think it’s safe to do.
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