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You planted thorns in my chest with hands I once trusted, and now every breath feels like an apology I shouldn’t owe.
-Larson Langston
January 8, 2025
Atticus died five days after you refused my request. It was horrible. He was having spasms and blood filled his mouth. I was just screaming and screaming. I don’t know what happened. If he bit his tongue or if it was coming up his throat. It started dripping out of his mouth as he started wailing. And then he was gone. And I know it was my fault. It was my punishment for leaving when you’re in such a bad place. I’m a terrible friend and I had to suffer. Just like last time with Winston and Cicero. I was a terrible person and so they had to die so I would pay for what I did.
I’ m sure you don’t read this. Either you can’t see it or you don’t check. But then why would you? We’re not talking anymore. I really wish we were. I miss my friend.
I just wish you would have told me what I was doing wrong. Or why everyone hates me. That’s all I want to know.
Why do you hate me?
If nobody tells me why they hate me then how can I change? I’m so sad.
All I do is cry.
Bryan has had to leave work twice because I was suicidal. He’s not as patient with me as he used to be. He’s starting to hate me just like you and everyone else. Then I won’t have anyone.
I hate myself so much. So much more than you or anyone else could. I just hurt everyone and bring them down. I’m like a disease. I need to be eradicated…
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