JF Castillo

Hardly slept last night. Well, every night, but last night was the worst. So tired I can hardly keep my head up or eyes open. I think it might be my meds since it started about two weeks ago after they started kicking in.

 

Bryan’s napping. lol I want to but since I can’t sleep at night I figure I should stay awake. lol Anyway, I think I’ll do some journaling. See if I can finally get through the rest of my story! 

 

Just got a discord notification. I knew it wasn’t you. Guess I didn’t turn off all the notifications for the groups I’m in. 

 

I bonked my hand a couple weeks ago and the bump in my hand like sunk back into my hand. lol a few days later it came back, bigger and more sore than before. Now my hand hurts almost all the time.

 

My head hurts and I can hardly keep my eyes open. 

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Continued...

So, I was moved from lockdown to the open campus. My lodge was called Morning Star and I was in room 28. I had another roommate there too. I can't remember what her name was. She had only three days left there so she didn't have many classes to attend, so she just slept most of the day. Unfortunately, she had a cpap to wear at night or she would snore. Both annoyed me, but I didn't mind the cpap as much as I did the snoring. I absolutely hate snoring. lol After she left, I got two nights roommate-free. Then a new person was moved in. Her name was Mary, and she was not a nice person. I tried to talk to her, and she just gave me nasty looks and just gave me a few words in response. I realized right away that it was going to be awful the rest of the time. We didn't talk to eachother very much, maybe a couple words a day but mostly we didn't speak to eachother.

 

I called Bryan every night before I went to bed. The place didn't let you call out unless you had a phone card. However, one of the residents had told me that we could call out for free by dialing a couple numbers. It was a couple weeks later that I saw my roommate talking on the phone with a phone card (they ranged from $50 to $100). I told her later how to call out for free and she looked seriously pissed. lol Had she been nice, I probably would have thought to tell her. But given what a bitch she was, I never thought about it. 

I started going to classes the next day. They were all boring and long. I hated going to them. Nothing I learned there was useful at all. There were two instances where people made me cry. One was an art session where we painted how people saw us and how we felt about ourselves. One of mine was shiny, bright and happy. The other was just black scribbled all over it. I said that people always see me as a happy, giggly person. Another girl there (a real bitch... to everyone) said how much she hated giggly people. So I shut up, held my paper in front of my face, and cried. Thankfully, it was at the end of our time so I just got up and left. 

The second time we were forced to do a group activity. We were talking about codependence, and I decided to actually participate. I was talking and after maybe a minute of me talking, this other bitch said, "Can we stop talking about this and move on." lol I was doing the "assignment" for fuck's sake. I tried to stay there, but I couldn't keep myself together so I got up and sat on a wall outside the building and cried. The "manager" or whatever saw me, and he came over to talk to me. I told him what happened, and he asked if I wanted to go back to my room. I said I did, but I had left my stuff in the room, and I didn't want to go back inside. So, he went and got my stuff and walked me back to my lodge. 

What else can I talk about? So much happened that it's hard to remember. 

So, I wrote more than this, but it was getting way too long again, so I'm gonna move the rest to tomorrow's post. 
hole time.

Good thing I didn't move those pics to this page. lol I'll do it when I get to those parts.