JF Castillo

I finally slept last night. I was getting to the point I could hardly hold my head up.

 

I’m still sick every day but at least I’m not throwing up. 

 

Since Atticus died, I get paranoid that Shasta is going to die. I check him whenever he’s sleeping because I’m afraid he’s dead. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if he end up dying only a few months after Atticus.

 

I don’t know why I keep doing this. It just reminds me how everyone hates me.

 

I should tell you how Bryan’s mom reacted when she found out we were getting married. The good thing about someone hating you are the stories you can tell. There were a bunch but I can’t remember most. Which is a shame because that was the only positive thing about her were the stories I could tell people. Bryan’s dad was the only one in his family who was genuinely kind to me. I never did anything to make his mom and sister hate me. I was always nice to them.

 

Today is really not a good day.

 

God I hate myself so much. My soul hurts so much.

 

Watching a cop video and he sounds like a really nice person. I want him to be my friend. lol once there was this chick at Walgreens ahead of me in line. She was so nice and happy I wanted her to be my friend. But I figured a stranger asking to be your friend would be really weird.

 

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.

 

Why do I always hurt people…

 

I don’t want to be a bad person anymore.

 

I really wish you would talk to me.