JF Castillo

I’m so sorry.
 
I had a dream that I ran into you randomly. We were talking but nothing you were saying made sense. Like one of those videos that show what English sounds like to foreigners. So I could only catch a few words. I was starting to get overwhelmed that you were talking to me but I couldn’t understand what you were saying. It made me feel like when I would talk to you and you would type so much so fast that I couldn’t keep up. I can’t read that fast, type that fast, or process what you’re saying that fast. I just get so confused that I can’t tell which way is up. Even now when I read some of what you last said, I still find things you said that I didn’t see before. It makes my heart hurt that I was unable to understand everything you said. And I’m only seeing it now because I have the time to process and understand what you said. Now it’s too late.
 
I wish I wasn’t so hated. It hurts.
 
Wish you would talk to me.​​
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I wish that, somehow, I could let you feel what it’s like to see someone you care about in crisis, but be unable to do anything to help them. I’m not strong enough to do nothing. I have to feel like I’m doing something to help. I can’t stand feeling helpless to do anything. I wish you could understand that.
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I’ve begun having an oral fixation with constant curling and rolling my tongue without thinking about it. I start getting stressed whenever I try to stop.
 
Again, I hope I didn’t hurt you when I made the comment that I’m too old to be friends with you. I don’t want you to think I was talking about you being Little. I wasn’t referring to that. I enjoyed talking to the Little One.